I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
