he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
