I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
