If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
