He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
