the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
