I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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