so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
