I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
