You're so nebulous sometimes
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
