I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
