just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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