You're a womanizer and a bitch.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Houston, we have a squirter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
