Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you win again, gameday.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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