Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
