I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
