So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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