He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
