Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
