I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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