Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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