go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
