Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
