Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
