everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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