never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
