is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
