The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
