I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
