I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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