Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
