It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
