I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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