Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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