the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
