a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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