On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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