Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm like, not good at living.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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