the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
