After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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