epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
