I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
