Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
