I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
