i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
