Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
