I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
