he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
