So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Alive.
So much puke
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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