last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
