Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
